Sometimes I wonder if its just this time of year that makes my mind depressed
Its almost a year since I “recovered”
And I’ve changed so much
I’m so much more aware of myself and who I am
But it scares the shit out of me.
I want close bonds
But then I get scared and pull away
Because I’ve never been in a relationship,
Romantic or not,
Where I haven’t been hurt
Betrayed
Lied to
Taken advantage of.
Which is why sometimes
I wonder
If I’m just better off
A l o n e.

I’m going to bed disappointed again, wondering when he’ll realize that I’m only hanging by a thread.